Hi! Remember me? I’m back.
Well, nearly. I’m writing this from a hotel near Heathrow airport with approximately 23 days of travelling under my belt and 30 hours to go. Sadly, I’ve failed on my mission to find an international husband, but what my overseas jaunt has reminded me is that there’s a whole big world out there and a lot of life to live outside of our usual bubbles.
In my last edition I hypothesised that men overseas would put in more of an effort than Aussie men when it came to dating and using dating apps. As it turns out, I was right. While using the apps in the UK, Malta, and Italy, I did find the men were a lot more forthcoming, eager to start conversation and KEEP at it, and ready to put forward a plan to actually organise a date. They opened conversations with what seemed like genuine compliments, asked questions, and replied or followed up in ways that were far less pushy or passive aggressive compared to what I’ve come to expect from men back home. It’s not to say they’d make better longterm partners or the same kind of relationship issues wouldn’t arise down the track because I’d need about five years overseas to determine such things, but it was a nice change.
While the bar may still be on the ground, it did feel like it proved to me that back home the bar is buried six feet under (or 6’1-because-apparently-it-matters-feet under), which comes back to my last newsletter rant about the fact we’ve all stopped trying to impress each other and put in effort when it comes to dating. I don’t know what the answer is to that still — but it feels like it’s increasingly impossible to get excited about dating when still constantly using the apps in your everyday life.
I know when I get back to Sydney and get back into full time work, some of the shine of the holiday life and spontaneous dating plans will wear off because routine takes over again. But I also want to be mindful to not let that joy, optimism, and hopeful feeling of a wide range of possibilities dissipate entirely. While I may not be pumping red wine into my body at any given point and languishing in a London pub reading a book, or getting spontaneous tattoos with a guy I’ve met once in Malta, a break away from everyday reality is a nice reminder too that we all hold a responsibility to create the own magic in our lives. For a while there, I got stuck waiting for something to happen in my romantic world, thinking that if I was ready something would align. Now I realise I’ve been dating without proper intention that aligns to what I want in my future — I’ve spent too much time trying to make things work with the wrong people, waiting things out for the “right” moment, or accepting breadcrumbs from the men that have orbited my life. While I unfortunately don’t think the men back home are going to be raising the bar higher anytime soon, my role is to remove myself as an option from people displaying the bare minimum behaviour entirely.
TL;DR: We all need to be the main character in our dating lives, not the support act.
So while I didn’t fall in love overseas or have any sort of sexy holiday affair that I’d reminisce fondly on when I’m 80, I did manage to have a trip where I put myself first, had a lot of fun, and finally conquered travelling alone for the first time in my 32 years. After a lot of change and turbulence in the last few months, it feels nice to feel centred and hopeful again.
(Hopefully my liver and bank account feel that way again soon too.)
Of course, there were a few screenshots too good to not share.
Here’s the shit straight men have been saying overseas.
1. Can’t fault him.
It makes sense.
2. The horny Italian, part one.
Salvatore was nearly hot enough to get away with this.
(Side note, I don’t know what’s going on with the men residing or working in Capri, but whatever it is, I need to go back.)
3. The horny Italian, part two.
Given I was actually on a hiking group trip at this point, I couldn’t entertain Salvatore’s offer to slap my ass.
4. The man tried.
I’ll always appreciate the My Chem reference in relation to my shirt, but it feels like his statement could actually be a little too real. Either that, or the misogynistic men in my TikTok comments have left a permanent scar on me.
5. My good man… no one asked.
For the record, he either chose to ignore my sarcasm or it went over his head.
So what’s next for dating?
I told a friend the other day when I was home, I’d look into trialling Pear… for the content, of course. They’ve dubbed themselves the world’s biggest social experiment, but I can’t see how it’d be taking off in Australia yet so maybe I should’ve obtained a pear ring before I went overseas.
Either way, stay tuned.