Shit Straight Men Say: 'Looking to fill that void'
Dating apps are in their flop era -- can they be saved?
In classic form I had a whole February draft pretty much done and dusted, that I never sent. I was spending some time thinking about dating apps officially entering their flop era, and whether they can come back from this new all time low (dear maria, count me in).
Perhaps it’s not the case for the younger generation, but to be 33, ready to find a good long-term partner, and to be fairly secure in many facets of my life, it’s felt increasingly hard over the last year or two to find a man on the same page. If that’s news to you, then you may be new here! Welcome to my newsletter, sadly it’s been going since 2020.
The start of 2024 has been pretty rough for a lot of my close friends for various reasons, and it’s brought home to me in many ways how short life really is. Far too short to waste time, for example, entertaining a person out there giving you the absolute bare minimum. And far too short to be on the hunt for someone who may not actually exist.
The way modern-day dating has panned out on our phone screens isn’t exactly favouring our generation. I was back home a couple of weeks ago and told my parents about a dating situation that happened to me earlier this year (date cancelled 15 minutes before pickup among some other odd behaviours that weren’t parent-friendly) and my Dad said, “this is just when people need to pick up the phone and explain the situation.” While he’s probably right, the phone in my mind stands for really just the umbrella of communication, which may have been what he meant anyway. We’re communicating more than ever using the apps, but often saying very little of substance.
Dating apps are in their flop era
Now while at the best of times, I am hopefully delusional about dating, it’s becoming very, very clear to me that dating apps are in their flop era. The profiles are more disastrous by the day, and I think we’re at a societal point where it’s very, very hard to feel like a relationship is unfolding in a natural and organic way from meeting someone online: whether it be the low-effort culture, the next best thing mentality, or someone going from 0-100 after meeting a decent person on the apps and coming on far too strong. (The ripe avocado I usually call it.)
In January, I jumped on Tinder again after a break and it was probably the worst I’ve ever seen it in my 10 years on and off the app. Hinge has been absolute crickets, despite me getting an upgrade and becoming a member to test the waters. Feeld, like Tinder, is in the bin again. Bumble has remained a somewhat happy medium since I got it back again but unless I’m swiping in MAFS ad breaks it’s hard to motivate myself to use it. And if I’m feeling that way despite actively hoping to meet someone, you could be pretty certain most users on the app also feel the same apathy.
Like this guy for example:
“How did you meet your husband?” “Oh we met on an app while he was desperately trying to fill the void inside of him instead of doing any work on himself, it’s going really well!”
In fact, it appears to maybe be a bit of a pattern with men in their 30s now that they’ve decided it’s time to settle down. It’s all about repressing old situations with new beginnings, baby, and women should just be ready and willing to help them forget their bad memories!
And if women are not out there doing the heavy lifting, they’re just subjected to this absolute nonsense.
I’ve also noticed a shift in dating app dialogue in my day-to-day conversations: people are giving up on them in their entirety.
Single women I know are starting to state that they believe their future person isn’t on the apps, because of the complete cesspool they have to wade through to even find one decent conversation or first date, leading to more women I know starting to use the apps less and less.
And can you blame them when this is where the bar appears to be?
Because if this is the level of banter we’re all still dealing with in our 30s, god help us.
My 2024 aim (apart from getting absolutely shredded again, binge drinking less, and doing more wholesome activities and weekends away) is also to just be meeting people out and about. Not to look for someone special, but with the intention of being friendlier, starting more convos, and just seeing where life leads me. Be the energy you want in the world, and all that bullshit. If you read my 2023 debrief, you already know I was using the apps less and less compared to previous years. And while they still foster a chance at a connection, I do predict more people will be meeting their romantic partners IRL in 2024.
And on that note, I’ll leave you with at least one thing that made me laugh this week.
Until next time!