Shit Straight Men Say: "It's so hard when your* horny"

*you're, but who cares at this stage?

One day you wake up and you’re on the other side of 30 and you realise the dating pool has significantly shrunk.

Some friends and I joke that we’re waiting for the first wave of divorceés – that we’ll meet men (or women) who’ve been through a “practice” commitment, learned from their mistakes, and will make these ideal, perfect, future partners for us. Of course, it’s idealistic: you can’t guarantee just because someone got a divorce that they have their shit together when it comes to dating or that they’ve learned from their mistakes at all.

But when you hit your 30s you’re constantly looking for hope that things can’t be as dire as they seem. Each first date is a feeble, flickering match, one that often gets quickly blown out when you realise you’re not compatible. Compatibility didn’t seem to matter as much in your 20s. And that’s the other thing about dating in your 30s: you’re suddenly in a place where you know yourself, know what you deserve, and know what you need, and trying to find someone who fulfils that criteria can feel impossible. There are many people who fulfil a checklist of sorts, but in person, it doesn’t translate. They can have a good job, have “their shit together” whatever that means to you, and be polite to waitstaff, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re fulfilling your needs or there’s that magical spark we’re all striving to achieve.

For me, entering my 30s I realised all of the dating cliches do become true — and please bear with me as I spew them out. I’m not looking for someone to complete me (gross), I’m looking for someone who enhances my life (still gross, sorry). I’m not after feeling comfortable, which at times is obviously nice, but I’m after someone who I can grow with. I’m not after settling down, I’m after someone who wants to go on that dreaded dating app term “adventures”, whether that’s just going on a hike on a nice sunny day, going to a gig, or cashing in our annual leave and exploring another country together.