It's 2023 and I'm Still Getting Sent Unsolicited Dick Pics
Pls, I want to open my phone in peace without getting a jump scare.
Last year I joked to my friends that I had a rather specific dating curse placed upon me. I won’t go into detail (the real ones know) but after taking some solo time and being more conscious of my dating choices by doing simple things like asking myself “do I actually like them or do I want them to like me?” my dating life has improved.
It hasn’t improved in the sense that I am going on all these wonderful dates and falling in love and having a wild attraction to any man I meet. But it’s improved in the sense that I now trust my gut, don’t put in all the effort in a bid to impress someone, and am only looking to spend my dating time on people I’m actually, you know, attracted to. A wild concept.
I talked about it in my last edition, but in March I was trialling dating on Feeld, the horny, sex-positive app. It came with its ups and downs: I went on some fun dates, I went on some dud ones, I made some connections and I retired from using the app at the end of March because once again I was exhausted by online dating.
Naively, maybe, what I wasn’t expecting was the surge in unsolicited dick pics.
I regret to inform you that straight men have once again taken what should be an interesting, safe, concept (that being a sex-positive app) and ruined it with their need to show everyone their dick without consent.
There are a few things to note when talking about the unsolicited dick pic, and that is, as a straight woman talking, I do everything in my power to prevent this from happening on a regular basis. Usually this forward-thinking means if a guy asked for my Snapchat, I say no because I assume he’s going to send me a dick pic. But as I was trialling Feeld I threw the rules out the window because I assumed if people were signing up to a more left-of-field app (see what I did there?) they’d have basic knowledge around consent, sex positivity, and, idk, boundaries around when they decide to flop their dick out.
Men, just for the record, most people don’t find your dick as interesting as you do. It’s not a work of art. I do not want to want it in black and white portrait mode to hang up in my apartment. It has its purposes, for that I am grateful at the right times, but when it’s popping up on my phone out of the blue, it’s very confronting.
You know when you’re walking somewhere, and some charity worker eyes you off and you’re running late, have spilt coffee on yourself, and your AirPods have died, and you’re in a foul mood? “Miss, you look BEAUTIFUL today,” they yell in your face, while you’re walking fast. “What’s your name?”, they leer at you as you avert your eyes. “Can I grab you for one secon-”, they wail trying to block your path while you try not to miss the train. The timing is all wrong. They’re annoying you. They’re not charming you at all. They’re using you.
That’s what it feels like when I see your unsolicited dick pic on my phone.
In March I saw flaccid dicks, I saw erect dicks, I saw men jerking off, I saw stills, I saw videos. I got stressed every time a new Instagram or Snapchat notification came through. So now it has to be said…
Men, no one wants to see your unsolicited dick pics.
When you send me an unsolicited dick pic, that I open in the middle of my working day, at night while watching MAFS, while I’m at the gym disassociating, or when I’m laying in a park reading about Scandavol, it does not have the effect I think you think it has.
As I open my phone to a Chad* telling me he’s having a lunchtime “lay and play” I am not going starry-eyed and begging for more. When Ben* who I last chatted to about his brother’s wedding hits me up three days later to show me his erect penis out of nowhere, I’m not rushing to my room and praying that my vibrator is fully charged and going to town. When Steve’s* first Snapchat to me is flogging his log, I am not watching in awe thinking, “wow, that’s hot”. I am probably on a Zoom meeting! Slow down, Steve!
*Names have been changed for legal reasons.
Now, I’m not against anyone sexting, shooting off flirty messages, or sending a nude in a mutually respectful situation, but I have a bit of a checklist of questions for men who seem to get confused about when to send a dick pic.
Has the woman responded to you in any way?
If yes, don’t send her a dick pic. If no, don’t send her a dick pic.If yes, has she said anything flirtatious to you?
If yes, don’t send her a dick pic yet. If no, definitely don’t send her a dick pic.Would it be super out of context to send this woman a dick pic?
For example — you just had a chat about your brother’s wedding, the convo died off, and then you send her a photo of you tugging off. This is out of context. Don’t do that.
If you think an unspoken context is there, please proceed to the next round of questioning.Has she specifically asked for a dick pic?
If yes, you have consent to send a dick pic. If no, please, for the love of everything holy, don’t send her a dick pic.Have you asked for her consent to send a dick pic?
Once again, if yes, you have consent to send a dick pic. If no, once again, for the love of everything holy, don’t send her a dick pic.Ask yourself: are you bulk-sending numerous women dick pics? Does it ever work for you?
Have you ever tried not doing that?
Do you really need that much external validation?
Have you tried looking in the mirror and telling your penis you love it and then giving it a pat, like a little dog?Why are you sending dick pics without consent?
It’s time to do some introspective thinking, my dear friend. It’s OK to be proud of your eggplant, but it doesn’t mean you have to show it to everyone who hasn’t asked to see it.
Here’s an example of when not to send a dick pic:
I hope this has been helpful.