Goodbye 2023 & dating ins and outs 2024

And oops, I did it [got Tinder] again.

It’s a bit late for a 2023 dating Wrapped, but if you’re a friend of mine you know I’m usually a little bit late to most things.

In 2023, I went on 11 first dates, which on paper is pretty dismal. 60% were from Feeld, 20% were from Tinder, and the other 20% were Bumble and Hinge. Please note I barely know how to do maths so take these statistics with a grain of salt. I also went on two second dates, and zero third dates.

Tbh, I spent a bit of the year distracted by ~friends~ after an ongoing FWB situation as well as a moment in time developing an emotional connection with a friend, both of whom I met in the wild in various stages of my life. So it wasn’t the year of chaotic, exciting dating for me and forging brand new connections in a sense, but it was a year where I learned a lot about what I want in a future partner by forging connections that went a bit emotionally deeper than what a handful of first dates will get you.

Here’s some misc 2023 Dating Data:

• Number of tattoos acquired on first date: 1 

• Number of men I met freshly out of a new relationship who probably hadn’t processed their trauma: the limit does not exist

• Number of times a man told me I would be a great partner but they “weren’t ready yet”: 3 

• The number of men who said the above and started dating someone new straight away: 2

• Ongoing FWB situation: 1

• Number of guys who made me cry: 2

• Number of dates dodged after the messages turned creepy or sexual out of nowhere: 10

• Number of times I realised I could articulate my feelings and move on instead of waiting around for someone to like me back and getting anxiously attached: 2 

• Number of months I probably saved myself: at least 4

• Number of times I tried to manifest finding myself a hot emo/metalhead at Good Things: 2

• Number of hot emo/metalheads I physically met at Good Things: 0

• Number of men I could see myself dating long-term: 0 

• Number of stones left unturned: 0

What I learned in 2023 & hello 2024:

I’ve always preemptively mourned my single-girl era before it’s over. I’ve been single for six years and for the most part, very happily single too. I get burned out easily from dating, especially as people become more and more low-effort as the years go by.

However, for years I’ve given time to people who have given me the bare minimum in many, many ways — within romantic connections but sometimes also within friendships. I’ve done a lot of work (including a lot of therapy) to work on various self-esteem, trauma, and emotional issues over the years. 2023 was the year I finally learned to start implementing my boundaries, not entertain men who were giving me breadcrumbs, and set the bar slightly above the ground (this year we’ll raise it higher, but a step at a time) to ensure my dating life became more healthy.

After a bigger-than-expected silly season (I did not get my tonsils out after all), I’ve realised I’m not mourning the eventual loss of my single-girl era anymore. As much as I love a good time with my mates, I don’t want to be on dance floors scouting for men or giving any attention to some wild-eyed bro who may or may not text me the next day. As much as I enjoy meeting people in the wild, I want it to be in a way that involves getting to know that person, and not just because we’re drunk and found ourselves yelling over some loud (and probably bad) music on a Saturday night. I want to spend less Sundays hungover and more time getting out of my comfort zone and usual routine and making better choices for what I really do want my future life to look like.

Helloooo 2024

If you’ve followed my journey for a while, you’ll know I’ve jumped on and off the apps more times than Taylor Swift was streamed in 2023.

Recently a friend asked if I saw myself giving apps up completely. The thing is, it’s bloody hard for single people out there to meet someone these days. I do think 2024 will see people use the apps less and try to find their own meet-cute moments IRL, but there’s also that sense of if you’re not on the apps and haven’t found anyone you fancy IRL, then you’re missing out on a potential opportunity.

Or, you’re being subjected to this. Either one.

Or this.

My attention span for being on the apps these days is quite low, but it’s my goal when I move out to prioritise dating again — but in a healthy way. No mad March, no 0-100, no getting distracted by emotionally unavailable men or recently single ones, no giving time to men whose actions don’t align with their words, but instead I am to prioritise meeting new people again, taking it slow, and seeing if we just can get along over a coffee and go from there.

The other night I met a woman in the pub bathroom, and it between her TED talk on how much Botox one should really get and how natural her fake boobs looked (which they did, and they felt them too!) she was talking about her partner who became a loving stepdad to her two kids and how he worshipped the ground she walked on and how she’s never been happier. It was a nice reminder that we all go through a lot of shit, boring stints, growth journeys and any other cliche you want to drop but there are good people out there on the other side. And as she said… if he wants to, he will.

And if he doesn’t want to, it’s probably because he’s wildly confused like this guy.

Datings Ins & Outs 2024

I leave you with my very short list of dating ins and outs for this year.

out:

- most dating apps
- forcing second dates when "i'm not feeling it but nothing was wrong ???"
- anxiously attaching
-SITUATIONSHIPS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EVERYONE GROW UP

in:
- sliding into linkedin DMs
- activity-based dates
- meeting friends early on
- treating the person you’re dating like you actually like them