"Dating is a numbers game"
And we promise you men, it's not unique to love Seinfeld.
I have a knack for attracting strange men.
I never want to go into a date thinking it’s going to be a weird experience, but all the dates I’ve been on in 2022 have been so strange for various reasons that currently I nearly feel hesitant about meeting someone new again. It’s become the norm for me to leave a date or a night out and have a new, weird story about a man, to the point my friends (who are endlessly supportive and reassure me I am mostly normal) are even questioning things for me and what energy I must be putting out there. Throw in the fact that 85% of men think I’m going to write about them at some stage and I haven’t exactly made dating all that easy for myself.
Instead of actively hating dating now like I used to, I quite like meeting new people and trying to date outside of what might be my “usual” type even if that year that’s accidentally led me to a Jordan Peterson fan, a Brexit voter, someone who played me the song they picked out to propose to their ex-girlfriend, and someone who ghosted me then tried to gaslight me into thinking I ghosted them.
It hasn’t been all bad – I think I had one nice date in amongst the mix somewhere. Finally opening myself up to dating again in the last year has helped me set better boundaries, become less judgemental, and in amongst the despair of swiping, there’s always a hint of excitement lingering that there’s still, at some point, going to be an exciting adventure of dating someone I like again. Hopefully. One day.
The thing is, the bar for dating has become so low that I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – it shouldn’t really be all that hard to impress each other. But apps have given us a chance to paint a maybe inaccurate picture of who we are that by the time the first date rolls around you’re already going in with the odds stacked against you: maybe they (or you!) won’t look like your pics. Maybe they’re quieter in real life, or can’t make eye contact. Maybe they have some really strange opinions that come out after two drinks and you realise you’re accidentally hanging out with an Andrew Tate apologist. Maybe the spark just simply isn’t there.
While we’re all searching for some sort of authentic connection that will make us feel like any of this bullshit is worth it, one of my favourite people to chat dating with is my coworker Issy Phillips, who often brightens my day with her dating stories.
I chatted with Issy for this edition and she’s shared the dating wisdom she’s learned in the last few months.
On what she’s learned being back on the apps:
”I first joined the apps when they were new, well before Hinge or Bumble were even on the scene and the concept of Tinder was framed as a scary “new internet trend.” I did find success on Tinder, that success manifested into a boyfriend of 6 years. But as they say, all good things must come to an end, and so I’m back on the apps at a time where they are firmly nestled into the tapestry of dating.
This time around I’m on Hinge and what I’ve learnt so far: it’s a numbers game.
It’s shocking how many absolute duds you have to politely smile and nod at before you get to syphon one into the mix who is 1) normal 2) hot 3) not needing to be mothered.
I had one really great date which ended up turning into a few more, the only issue was I had to call it off because he shaved almost every inch of his body and was so spiky it felt like what I can only describe as hooking up with a cactus.
I had a date with a guy who was pretty obnoxious and 45 minutes late. I later found out he was in a long-term, open relationship with a girl I knew (!!!) and he somehow forgot to mention/disclose this ahead of the date. On another date, I literally had an argument with the guy after he said something super classist but he somehow thought it went well and asked for a second date - sometimes men truly are deluded.”
On her biggest frustration when using the apps:
”PLEASE LOOK LIKE YOUR PHOTOS!!!! ALL THOSE PICS YOU PUT UP ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM 2015, KARL!!!!”
On her advice to single men:
“1) Ask questions and don’t only talk about yourself,
2) Brush your teeth,
3) Please for the love of God look like your photo (this one is mainly for Karl).”
On the bios she’s sick of seeing on the apps:
“Thinking it’s unique and quirky to like Seinfeld - I promise you it isn’t.
“And please stop lying about your height. I don’t care if you’re a short king, but I do care if you lie about it, because I’m going to literally find out your height when we go on a date. And it makes me think if you’re lying about that, what else are you going to potentially lie to me about?”
And on the important quote she taught me at work that I now think about A LOT –– “Dating is a numbers game”:
”Dating is a numbers game! When I go on a date I can tell within the first 10 seconds if I'm into that king.
The serf to king ratio is sadly too high, so you’ve just got to cycle through them and weed out as many as you can.
I’m currently trying to find a way to almost ‘pre-interview dates,’ a tasteful 5 min catch-up so I can know whether I’ll get stuck pretending to be interested in some guy's terrible inner west DIY band.”
–
As always, I’ll be back with some cracker bad bios I’ve been collecting for the next edition, probably some self-indulged spiel that I should just be saving for my therapist, and for my paid subscribers I’ll also have another edition for you this month. Until then, find me throwing dildos in coffee cups over on Shit Straight Men Say.