Dating 2024 Wrapped & what the narrative about being single in your 30s misses
Look, you can't say I didn't put myself out there this year.
If I’m being perfectly honest, which sadly I am to a fault on this blog (because I always feel like no one reads it despite the fact that the open rate is relatively good), I started the year weirdly optimistic about finding love. I genuinely thought it was my time to shine.
I’m not entirely sure why I felt this way so strongly, but I had felt the shift away from dating apps and the clutches they once had me in. It felt like the murkiness of lockdown, and the pandemic, and getting back into the workforce, and then leaving a toxic work environment had all righted itself, so I assumed because I was living my life more authentically, and because I had detached from the admin of apps, that the universe would be like, “hell yeah, she’s ready” and throw someone my way.
The universe sure did throw me a lot of curveballs this year — few romantic, but a lot more like “the bullshit of life” curveballs — and now I’m ending the year on a very different path and with a very different realisation.
I thought I was ready this year. I wasn’t.
What I still needed to fight my way through were a few key things: mainly the resurfacing of some pretty deep-set trauma I hadn’t dealt with, and as I slowly unravelled it (and continue to do so), and as I keep poking the wound, it’s started to give me a much clearer insight into my own dating behaviours and why I’ve consistently stumbled into the same traps.
And on a lighter note, I had a few more minefields to navigate: How to deal with fuckboys 101 properly. How to properly articulate your boundaries with men on dates in person. How to call it after one or two drinks, instead of people pleasing and grimacing through the night. How to honestly communicate when you’re not that into someone. How to ditch the avoidant dater early on instead of carrying on with them in the hopes they’ll like you, as though their bare minimum effort would be some sort of prize at the end. How to simply give a bit less of a fuck about what people think of you.
The benefits of taking a break from the apps
I don’t think I would’ve gotten here if I didn’t cut the apps halfway through the year. Instead of being able to distract myself with the admin of swiping and dating, I was forced to sit with my feelings more than I’ve done probably any time in my life. Instead of blasting out every thought that’s ever entered my head about dating to a crowd of people, I had to look at my own behaviours and how I contributed to the situations I’ve ended up in. Instead of labelling men’s attachment style and rolling my eyes, I had to figure out what I was projecting and what I was scared of.
And there’s a lot I’ve been scared of and there’s a lot I’m still not sure about. But in the throes of friends finding love and coupling up, and the mixed emotions of being happy for them while wondering if it would ever happen for me, I have returned to a calmer place as 2024 wraps.
While some of that is admitting that I wasn’t as ready as I thought, the other big factor that doesn’t always get discussed for women in their 30s is that it can actually be really freeing and fun to be single in your 30s.
Being single in your 30s is not a death sentence
There I said it: I’ve actually really, really enjoyed my single life this year.
A lot of the time, when talking about dating, it feels like we’re on this endless pursuit to find someone and wait for our turn, to be the ones who get to hard launch someone, to be the ones saying, “look at this person, they chose me!” and having that companion to do life with — weekends away, someone to hold at night, someone who’s there for you when things are bad, someone to watch TV shows with, someone to go on adventures with. As we hit our 30s and more people couple up, it’s easier to fall into the trap of waiting your turn, wondering what’s wrong with you, freaking out that your expiry time is about to be up, and all of that bullshit that society dictates down to us.
All the stuff about falling in love and having that person is great, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I think the highlights reel of being unattached in your 30s is skipped over because of the societal perception that if we haven’t settled down by a certain age, no one will want us anymore.
2024 has been rewiring my brain to remember how freeing it is to live my life on my own terms, after years of dark and confusing periods where I didn’t think I’d ever be good enough for someone. The year has been about learning to deal with my own fluctuating avoidant attachment style and finding myself getting to a more secure place. It’s dancing at one of my favourite pubs and never knowing who I may meet that night. It’s going to a gig and catching the smile of someone across the room. It’s the freedom to say ‘fuck it’ and go travelling with someone I don’t know all that well, and coming out with a new friend for life. It’s taking myself out for coffee or dinner or a day at the beach and not caring that I’m sitting alone.
It’s nice to enter 2025 excited and content about the prospect of being single and unattached. I’ve got some pretty big plans for the first six months of the year where I’m finally putting myself first and I think the opportunity for growth is something that will undoubtedly help me in my future dating life.
That aside, if you were keen on the Dating 2024 stats, here ya go
It’s all a bit of a lol really at the end of the day.
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I hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas and start to the new year, and we’ll likely chat soon. The Thursday dating app ads have been slowly and deliberately targeting me for the latter half of 2024, so I’ll report back in the new year.