I’ve been struggling to motivate myself to date recently, which given in the last two months I’ve had tonsillitis, a mystery virus, surgery, and bronchitis, it probably makes sense.
So instead, I’ve been living through various friends’ dating experiences and it’s got me thinking about game playing in early dating.
As adults, we’re all adamant we don’t like to “play games” but I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Early dating is a constant back and forth, a gameplay and a mindfuck of who texts first, when to text back, can you double text, why aren’t you hearing back from them, and the list goes on and on.
I think we all like to think we leave game-playing in our twenties but I’m not convinced we do. I can’t speak for men and what goes through their minds (if I had any idea how the male brain works, this newsletter would be redundant after all) but I can’t pretend, even at 31, that I haven’t had moments of questioning when I was going to hear from a man, hearing from him, then trying to give it adequate space before I reply so I don’t look “too keen”. I’ve watched friends (and myself) not be thrilled by someone coming on too strong early on, only to develop fast crushes on people who don’t pay as much attention.
We’re all suckers for wanting things we can’t have.
And then there’s ghosting. I’ve had some controversial opinions on ghosting – sometimes I think it’s perfectly fine to ghost someone after a first date. Obviously, some factors come into this: I wouldn’t, for example, ghost someone who expressed interest in seeing me again or if we agreed to make plans. But as an example, if you went on a coffee date, the vibe wasn’t there, and a mutual ghosting occurs after I think there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all adults! You’re not going to develop feelings for everyone you date!
I’ve recently gone through what turned out to be a very funny ghosting. Ironically, the day or two before I was ghosted I had been talking to some straight male friends (they exist!) about how I think it’s totally OK to ghost after the first date much to the disbelief of my mates who are clearly better people than I am. Yes, I recognise the hilarious timing of me then being ghosted by someone I wasn’t expecting to be ghosted by just days later.
Karma always keeps me in check.
100Datesof2022: The Great Ghosting.
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